Can Family Law Make My Ex Pay For What They've Done? What the Ontario System Really Offers
- Michelle Rakowski
- Sep 30
- 3 min read
When a marriage ends in betrayal such as verbal abuse, infidelity, abandonment, it’s natural to want justice. I’ve had clients sit across from me and say, “I want him to lose everything,” or “She should have to pay for what she did to our family.” That deep pain is real. And so is the question behind it: can the law make my ex pay?
The honest answer? Not in the way most people expect. Family law in Ontario isn’t designed to punish. It’s designed to protect, especially the children, and to help both parties move forward. That truth can feel hard when you’re heartbroken. But it also brings surprising relief.
How Do I Use Court To Make My Ex Pay For Their Behavior?
One of the biggest misconceptions I hear, often shaped by American courtroom dramas, is that if someone wrongs you in marriage, you can sue them for damages. People believe you can go to court and make your ex pay emotionally and financially for everything they did.
But in Canada, family law doesn’t work that way.
There’s nothing in the Divorce Act, the Family Law Act, or the Family Law Reform Act that allows you to get more because your ex cheated, lied, or emotionally mistreated you. That doesn’t mean the pain doesn’t matter. It just means the law takes a different approach: fairness, not retribution.
Why Courts Avoid “Revenge Rulings”
Let’s say the court did let one parent financially ruin the other out of revenge. What would that really do? In most cases, it would backfire, especially for the children. Family law is structured around the best interests of the children, not emotional payback. If one parent can’t afford a home or groceries because they were “punished” in court, the children are the ones who suffer.
The system is built to prevent that. Family law isn’t about who deserves to win. It’s about who needs what to rebuild.
So What Does the Law Provide?
Here’s what the Ontario family law system actually focuses on:
Equalization of Property: In Ontario, each spouse is generally entitled to half of the net family property accumulated during the marriage. That’s it. There's no bonus for moral high ground, and no penalty for infidelity or emotional harm.
Spousal Support: You may be entitled to this if you gave up income, education, or career opportunities during the marriage - especially in long-term relationships or when raising children. It’s based on economic factors, not emotional wrongdoing.
Child Support: This isn’t about punishment either. It’s a legal right of the child and is calculated based on income, not emotions.
Real Talk: When Emotion and Law Collide
One woman I worked with had been a stay-at-home mom for most of her marriage. Her husband had a high income, and when things ended badly, she came to me and said, “I want everything. He ruined our lives. He should have to pay.”
And I understood. She felt abandoned and unseen. However, I had to gently explain that the court still sees him as equally entitled to rebuild. Taking everything from him would have left him homeless and unable to support their children. And the court would never allow that, not because her pain didn’t matter, but because her kids' stability mattered more.
Why This Truth Hurts and Also Heals
It’s hard to accept that someone who hurt you might walk away with more than they deserve. It feels unjust. It feels like the system is failing you. But the more you understand the true purpose of family law, the more clarity and peace you can find.
Family court isn’t criminal court. If abuse rises to a criminal level, there are other legal avenues. But, within family law, the goal is to help everyone land on their feet, especially your kids. Making your ex pay is not the goal. Helping your family recover is.
What You Can Do Instead
You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to grieve. But as your legal support, I’ll help you channel that energy into things that actually move you forward:
Creating a fair parenting plan
Ensuring financial stability through proper support calculations
Protecting your long-term well-being with clear agreements
You may not get emotional justice from the court, but you can build a life that feels grounded, safe, and whole.
Next Steps: Focus on What Truly Matter
If you’re going through separation and wondering how to make your ex pay, take a breath. Let’s talk instead about what you need, what your children need, and what the law can realistically offer. I’m here to help you sort through the emotion and move forward with clarity, not conflict.
Comments