When Your Ex Won’t Let You See Your Child: Here’s What You Can Do

Few things cut deeper than being kept from your children. If your ex won’t let you see your child, even when there’s a custody agreement or court order in place, it’s not just painful. It’s destabilizing. I’ve sat with many parents over the years who felt helpless, enraged, or completely broken by this exact situation.

And I want to say this right up front: You are not alone.

During my law clerk program, one of our professors shared a story that’s always stuck with me. A couple, both well-educated, both seemingly reasonable, had spiraled into such a bitter custody dispute that one parent eventually broke the law just to get access to their child. It was heartbreaking. But more than that, it was a sobering reminder: when communication breaks down, conflict can escalate fast.

So how do you stop that escalation? And what can you do if your ex won’t let you see your child?

Let’s walk through four practical, lawful steps you can take starting today.

Start with a Conversation—Even If Your Ex Won’t Let You See Your Child

Yes, I know. You’ve probably already tried to talk things out, and maybe it didn’t go well. But before you take any legal steps, I still encourage you to attempt one more respectful conversation, this time with a different approach.

Instead of focusing on your own pain (which your ex may be unwilling to hear), try this:

“I’m concerned about how this is affecting the kids. Not seeing me might be confusing or upsetting for them. Can we talk about what’s going on?”

Frame the issue around the children's emotional well-being. Often, reframing the conversation around their needs, not the conflict between you, can soften resistance, even just a little. Even if nothing comes of it, it shows that you made a reasonable effort to resolve things peacefully.

Consult a Family Law Professional (and Ask About ADR)

If talking hasn’t helped, it’s time to bring in a trained professional. A family law expert can explain your legal rights and options, but they may also steer you toward something called Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), a much less adversarial route than court.

Mediation or collaborative family law can be especially effective when emotions are high, but both parents still want what’s best for their children. These methods often lead to more lasting solutions and cost significantly less (financially and emotionally) than a courtroom battle.

This overview of ADR methods from the Ontario Ministry of the Attorney General is a great place to start.

Enforce the Agreement or Court Order

If you already have a custody order, and your ex refuses to follow it, enforcement may be necessary. In Ontario, the legal tool for this is Form 31: Notice of Contempt Motion.

This is a serious step. Filing this motion means asking the court to acknowledge that your ex is deliberately disobeying a legal order. If found in contempt, they could face fines, legal costs, or even jail time in extreme cases.

You can find Form 31 here along with clear instructions. For plain-language guidance, I recommend the Steps to Justice website—a fantastic legal resource for Ontario residents.

Apply to Change the Custody Agreement or Order

Sometimes, enforcement isn’t enough—especially if the current custody terms are no longer serving your child’s best interests. If your ex repeatedly withholds access or fails to co-parent responsibly, you can apply to modify the agreement. But be prepared: the court’s primary lens is always what’s best for your children, not what feels fair to you.

To strengthen your case, bring documentation of denied access, missed visits, or communication breakdowns. Judges will weigh this against your overall parenting involvement and intentions.

This article from Justice Canada explains how and when agreements can be changed.

A Real Story, A Real Outcome

A few years ago, I worked with a father, we’ll call him “Chris”, who hadn’t seen his son in nearly six months. His ex had slowly begun denying visits, canceling last minute, or simply refusing to answer messages. There was a court order in place, but no follow-through.

Chris tried talking. He sent respectful messages. Nothing changed. With support, he pursued mediation first; no luck. Then, he filed to enforce the custody order. The process was hard and emotionally draining, but the court ultimately ruled in his favour. The visits resumed. And while things aren’t perfect, Chris now sees his son regularly again.

It’s not just about “winning.” It’s about showing up, with the right support, and doing what’s best for your child.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Family law in Ontario is complex and constantly evolving. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when your heart is in pieces and your patience is wearing thin. But the right next step is within reach. Whether that’s a conversation, a mediation process, or legal enforcement, you have options—and you have support.

Next Steps

If your ex won’t let you see your child, don’t wait for the situation to spiral. Book a confidential consultation with Alliston Resolutions today to explore peaceful, family-first solutions.