top of page
Search

Separating While Having a No Contact Order


Gavel on a wooden table beside documents and a pen. Text above reads "No Contact Orders" on a plain white background.

Introduction

Separation can bring out sides of us we never expected. Even the most grounded, thoughtful people can find themselves unraveling under the emotional weight of a breakup. I've seen it firsthand—two otherwise rational adults, once kind and respectful, become caught in a spiral of pain and reaction. And when that spiral involves domestic violence, it often results in the court issuing a no contact order (2). This legal boundary adds a real hurdle to working out a separation agreement—but a hurdle doesn’t mean a dead end. It simply means we may need a new way to navigate the path.


Understanding How a No Contact Order Works

Let’s start here, because this is one of the most misunderstood aspects of separation following a domestic incident. A no contact order, in colloquial terms, is a lot like a restraining order. It means the person named in the order can’t reach out to the protected party—sometimes not even through mutual friends or family. That includes texts, emails, social media, and even third-party messages (2). But no contact orders can vary (they aren't even called No Contact Orders. It falls under the criminal code and it's a document called a Undertaking (6)). Some are very strict—no contact, direct or indirect. Others are more focused on what led to the incident. For instance, the order might allow communication, but only if the person is not under the influence of substances. The conditions imposed by the court depend heavily on the nature of the incident and the judge's assessment of what’s necessary to keep everyone safe (2). What many don’t realize is that while a no contact order protects, it can also complicate the logistics of separating—especially when property division, parenting schedules, or financial agreements need to be settled.


Is It Possible To Get a No Contact Order Removed?


Short answer yes. (1)


It is possible to get a no contact order removed. But if you are the victim, the first thing you should do is contact your crisis support worker. These professionals understand the legal and emotional landscape, and they can guide you toward the appropriate steps and solutions. They’ll help ensure your safety and support remain the priority throughout the process.


In short, it’s not always simple—but it is possible.


When You Can't Remove the Order—Where Shuttle Mediation Comes In

Sometimes, for legal or timing reasons, you can't get the no contact order lifted quickly—or at all (3). Yet life goes on, and you still need to sort things out. This is where shuttle mediation can be a lifeline. Shuttle mediation is just what it sounds like: instead of both parties sitting together in a room with a mediator, the mediator “shuttles” between you. You share your concerns, wishes, and proposals with the mediator. They take that information to the other person, who responds in kind. Back and forth it goes until a workable agreement is reached—or at least, until you’ve made some progress. This method removes the risk of violating a no contact order while still allowing meaningful dialogue. And in some cases, it creates a less emotionally charged environment than face-to-face meetings, especially when things are still raw (4).


Not Just for No Contact Situations—Shuttle Mediation Has Broader Benefits

Although shuttle mediation is often a solution for cases involving no contact orders, it's not limited to them. It’s a practical approach for couples who live in different cities, work opposite shifts, or simply aren’t in a place emotionally where direct conversation would be productive.


I once worked with a couple who couldn’t be in the same room without falling into the same fight. Shuttle mediation gave them enough space to keep their boundaries and enough structure to actually get somewhere. And they did. Sometimes, that little bit of distance makes all the difference.


You Still Have Options—Even Without Lawyers

One of the most empowering things to know is this: you don’t need lawyers just because there’s a no contact order. In fact, for many couples, especially those with limited financial resources or a desire for a more amicable process, shuttle mediation can be a more time- and cost-effective route.


That doesn’t mean it’s right for every situation (5). But it’s an option worth considering—especially if your goal is to move forward without escalating conflict or draining your bank account.


Next Steps

If you're navigating a separation with a no contact order in place and feeling unsure about your options, you don’t have to stay stuck. Shuttle mediation may offer the bridge you need—and we’re here to help you explore that path. Book a free consultation with Alliston Resolutions to see if this method is right for your situation.


Further Reading and Helpful Resources

If you're looking to deepen your understanding or need more detailed information about no contact orders, domestic violence, and the mediation process in Ontario, these resources are a great place to start:


Comments

bottom of page