Is Your Lawyer Keeping You in the Dark on Purpose? A Truthful Look at Divorce Lawyer Communication

Michelle Rakowski
Oct 21
3 min read

Businessperson in a suit holds a pen pointing at a document. A gavel, laptop, and stacks of paperwork are on the wooden table.

If you’ve ever left a meeting with your lawyer feeling more confused than when you walked in, you’re not alone. One of the most common complaints I hear is this: “I don’t even know what’s happening in my case.”

This isn’t just frustrating, it’s a warning sign. Because poor divorce lawyer communication isn’t just an inconvenience. It can shape the entire outcome of your divorce. And in some cases? It’s not an accident.

What Poor Divorce Lawyer Communication Looks Like

You might be dealing with a communication issue if:

Your emails go unanswered for days (or weeks)
You’re billed for updates, but don’t understand what’s being done
You constantly have to chase your lawyer for clarity
You feel like you’re “not allowed” to ask questions
Decisions have been made, and you feel like you were not part of them

These are all signs your lawyer isn’t prioritizing your understanding, and that’s a problem.

Why Some Lawyers Keep You in the Dark

Not every lawyer with poor communication is doing it on purpose. Some are overloaded. Some never developed the skill. But others? They keep clients confused by design.

When you’re unsure, anxious, and intimidated, you’re less likely to:

Push back
Question fees
Suggest alternatives (like mediation)

Confusion becomes a tool to keep the process running on their terms, not yours.

Text reads: Hiring a Divorce Lawyer. Subtitle: What Every Client Needs to Know. Features a judge's gavel. Author: Michelle Rakowski.

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The Cost of Staying Silent

Letting poor communication slide can cost you:

Money: You may pay for work you didn’t authorize or understand
Peace of mind: You feel powerless in your own life decisions
Opportunities: You might miss chances to negotiate or settle outside court

And worst of all, you may walk away from your divorce feeling like it “happened” to you, rather than something you navigated with strength.

What Healthy Divorce Lawyer Communication Looks Like

Good lawyers:

Respond promptly and clearly
Explain legal concepts in plain English
Welcome your questions
Keep you in the loop and look for your input
Keep you informed before decisions are made

They remember that you’re the client. And you deserve to understand the process you’re funding.

What to Do If You're Being Kept in the Dark

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Confusion should be temporary, not constant.
Ask direct questions. “Can you explain that in a way I understand?” is not unreasonable - it’s responsible.
Document everything. Keep a record of missed calls, vague emails, or unapproved billing.
Consider your options. If communication doesn’t improve, you’re allowed to consult with another lawyer. You are not trapped.