Are You the Client or the Pawn? How to Know If You Have a Good Divorce Lawyer

When you hire a lawyer, you expect to be the one giving the instructions. After all, you’re the client, right? But in family law, that line often gets blurry, fast.

You think you’re being protected, but decisions are made without your input. Your questions go unanswered. Bills roll in with vague descriptions. And before you realize it, you're no longer the decision-maker.

You’re the pawn.

And the worst part? Most people don’t notice until they’ve spent thousands and feel too far in to walk away. This is why it's critical to know how to know if you have a good divorce lawyer early in the process.

The Power Shift That Happens Quietly

It doesn’t start with anything dramatic. It starts with silence. You’re unsure, emotional, overwhelmed, and your lawyer seems confident, polished, in control. So you defer. You say, “Whatever you think is best.”

That moment is where the shift happens.

Over time, your role quietly changes from client to bystander. And once that power is handed over, it becomes harder and harder to take back.

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How to Know If You Have a Good Divorce Lawyer

Watch for these signs:

• You understand what’s happening and feel safe asking questions.

• Your lawyer gives you options, not orders.

• You make the final decisions - always.

• You are consulted before big steps are taken.

• Your lawyer explains costs, timelines, and trade-offs in plain English.

If this isn’t happening, it’s worth asking: who is really in charge of your case?

Divorce Lawyer Red Flags: Signs You've Become the Pawn

• You don’t understand what’s happening, but you’re afraid to ask.

• Your lawyer makes major decisions without consulting you.

• You feel intimidated during meetings.

• You keep paying invoices without knowing what the end game is.

• You sense that fear and urgency are driving your case - not clarity.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. This isn’t your fault. The legal system is designed to keep power in the hands of professionals. But you can flip the script.

How to Reclaim Your Role as the Client

1. Ask for a roadmap. What are the next three steps? What are the alternatives?

2. Set expectations. How often will you be updated? How will billing work?

3. Say no when needed. You’re allowed to pause, clarify, or challenge strategies.

4. Track the strategy. If you don’t understand why something is being done, ask: What’s the goal?

You don’t need a law degree to lead your case. You just need the courage to speak up and the tools to stand your ground.

The Most Expensive Mistake You Can Make

Here’s what I’ve seen time and time again: the longer you stay in the pawn role, the more money you spend on confusion and fear. The moment you step back into your role as the client, everything changes.

You don’t just save money. You recover your voice, your clarity, and your peace.

Next Steps: If you’re wondering what your alternatives are or how to move forward without falling into the most expensive divorce lawyer mistake, my book Hiring a Divorce Lawyer: What Every Client Needs to Know  How to avoid costly mistakes, spot red flags and stay in control of your case