How Decision Making in a Parenting Plan Works
- Michelle Rakowski
- 7 hours ago
- 7 min read
Before you design a parenting plan, get clear on the structure.
Organize your thinking before designing your parenting plan.
When parents separate, one of the most important, and often misunderstood, parts of a parenting plan is decision making in a parenting plan. This section determines who has the authority to make major decisions about a child’s life after separation.
Many parents assume the solution is straightforward: simply choose joint decision making and move forward. But in reality, structuring decision making in a parenting plan requires careful thought about how parents communicate, how decisions were handled during the relationship, and what will create the most stability for the child going forward.
A well-designed parenting plan does more than divide parenting time. It provides a clear structure for how important decisions will be made, reducing conflict and helping parents function more effectively after separation.
In This Article
What Decision Making in a Parenting Plan Actually Means
In Ontario family law, decision-making in a parenting plan refers to who has the legal authority to make major decisions affecting a child’s life. These are not the everyday decisions parents make during their parenting time. Instead, decision making responsibility focuses on significant choices that shape a child’s long-term well-being.
Most parenting plans address four major areas of decision-making:
Medical care
This includes major medical treatment, surgeries, psychological services, therapy, and decisions about healthcare providers.
Education
Education decisions may involve choosing a school, addressing special education needs, tutoring, or significant educational changes.
Religion or cultural upbringing
Some families want their parenting plan to outline expectations around religious education or spiritual practices.
Extracurricular activities
Major commitments such as competitive sports, travel teams, or activities that involve significant time or financial investment may also fall under decision-making responsibility.
A parenting plan should clearly explain:
who has authority to make decisions
whether consultation between parents is required
what happens if parents disagree
Many parents understandably focus most of their attention on parenting schedules. But in practice, disagreements about major decisions are often what bring families back into conflict. That’s why clarity around parenting plan decision-making is so important.
The Two Main Structures for Decision-Making Authority
Most parenting plans use one of two primary structures when it comes to parenting plan legal decision authority.
Joint Decision-Making
A joint decision making parenting plan requires both parents to participate in important decisions about the child.
In this structure:
parents consult with each other about major decisions
both parents must agree before the decision is finalized
ongoing communication is required
Joint decision-making often works well when parents:
communicate respectfully
share similar parenting values
trust each other’s judgment
are able to compromise when needed
When these conditions are present, joint decision-making can support a collaborative co-parenting relationship after separation. However, joint decision making also depends heavily on the parents’ ability to communicate consistently and constructively. Without that communication, decisions can become stalled or escalate into ongoing conflict.
Sole Decision-Making
A sole decision making parenting plan gives one parent final authority over some or all major decisions. This does not automatically affect parenting time. The other parent may still have equal or significant parenting time with the child.
Instead, sole decision-making simply means:
one parent has the final legal authority to decide
consultation may still occur
deadlocks are avoided because someone has the final say
Sole decision-making structures are sometimes used when:
communication between parents is highly strained
parents frequently reach decision stalemates
disagreements escalate quickly
the parents’ parenting philosophies differ significantly
From a systems perspective, this structure can sometimes reduce the number of conflict triggers in the parenting relationship, which can ultimately be healthier for children.
How Courts and Mediators Evaluate Decision Making Structures
Parents often approach this issue from a fairness perspective. They may think:
"We should both have equal say." While fairness is important, courts and mediators tend to focus on a different question: What structure will provide the most stability and predictability for the child? Several factors are commonly considered when evaluating decision making in a parenting plan:
the parents’ history of cooperation
their ability to communicate effectively
past patterns of decision-making during the relationship
the level of ongoing conflict
the specific needs of the child
practical considerations such as location of school or medical providers
Sometimes parents strongly prefer joint decision making but discover that their communication patterns make that structure very difficult to maintain. The purpose of a parenting plan is not simply to divide authority evenly. It is to create a workable structure that allows decisions to be made without constant disputes.
Why Decision-Making Is Often the Most Contested Issue
Decision-making authority is often one of the most emotionally charged parts of a parenting plan. But interestingly, the disagreement is rarely just about the specific decision itself.
Parents may believe they are arguing about:
school choice
medical treatment
extracurricular commitments
Yet beneath the surface, these disputes often reflect deeper relationship patterns that existed long before separation.
In mediation, certain patterns appear repeatedly:
one parent historically handled most family decisions
one parent felt excluded from important decisions
ongoing struggles around control or recognition
communication patterns that escalate quickly
When these dynamics continue after separation, every decision can begin to feel like a battle over authority rather than a conversation about the child. This is where a systems perspective becomes particularly helpful. Family conflict rarely exists in isolation. It usually reflects broader relationship dynamics that developed over time.
If you’re interested in understanding this dynamic more deeply, this article explains the concept in more detail:
Understanding family systems helps parents recognize that disagreements about decision-making authority are often part of larger relational patterns, not simply legal disputes. Once those patterns are visible, it becomes much easier to design parenting structures that prevent the same conflicts from repeating.
Practical Decision Making Structures That Reduce Conflict
A strong parenting plan does more than assign authority. It also creates clear procedures for how decisions will be handled. Several structures can significantly reduce conflict.
Domain-Based Authority
Parents divide decision making by category.
For example:
one parent manages education decisions
the other manages medical decisions
This structure reduces the number of decisions requiring agreement.
Tie-Breaking Authority
Parents maintain joint decision-making, but one parent has tie-breaking authority if agreement cannot be reached. This approach preserves collaboration while preventing stalemates.
Decision Timelines
A parenting plan may specify how long parents have to discuss a decision before it must be finalized. Timelines help prevent disagreements from continuing indefinitely.
Consultation Requirements
Even when one parent has final authority, the parenting plan may require:
sharing information
discussing options
allowing the other parent to provide input
This maintains respect while still allowing decisions to move forward.
Mediation Clauses
Many parenting plans include a clause requiring mediation before returning to court if disputes arise. This step often helps parents resolve issues quickly without escalating conflict. Good parenting plan drafting focuses on preventing future disputes, not just solving today’s problem.
When Joint Decision Making Works Well
A joint decision making parenting plan can work very well in certain circumstances.
It tends to succeed when parents have:
respectful communication
relatively similar parenting values
geographic proximity
a history of cooperative decision-making
the ability to compromise
In these families, joint decision-making allows both parents to remain actively involved in shaping important aspects of their child’s life. Children often benefit when parents can collaborate effectively on major decisions. However, it is important that the structure reflects the parents’ real communication dynamic, not simply what they hope it will become.
When Sole Decision Making May Provide Greater Stability
In some families, sole decision making parenting plan structures provide greater stability.
Situations where this may occur include:
chronic conflict between parents
repeated stalemates on important decisions
very different parenting philosophies
communication breakdown that prevents productive discussions
In these situations, requiring joint decisions can unintentionally create constant opportunities for conflict. Sole decision-making is not a punishment or judgment about either parent. It is often simply a structural solution to a communication problem. When decision authority is clearly defined, parents often experience fewer disputes and children are less exposed to ongoing tension.
The Role of Mediation in Structuring Parenting Plan Decisions
Mediation offers parents a structured way to design decision-making systems that actually work for their family.
Rather than focusing on winning authority, mediation encourages parents to explore:
what decisions will need to be made in the future
where disagreements are most likely to occur
how communication between parents typically unfolds
From there, parents can build decision making structures that reflect their real dynamics.
Mediation often helps families:
clarify priorities for their children
design practical parenting plan structures
reduce the likelihood of future litigation
maintain a more stable co-parenting relationship
Most importantly, mediation keeps the focus where it belongs: on creating stability and security for children after separation.
Conclusion
At first glance, decision-making in a parenting plan can feel like a question of parental authority. But in practice, it is really about something much more important: creating a stable structure for children after separation.
Some families function well with joint decision-making. Others need clearer authority to prevent ongoing disputes. The right approach depends on the family’s communication patterns, history, and practical realities. When decision-making structures reflect how the family actually functions, children experience far less tension and uncertainty.
A thoughtful parenting plan is not about determining who wins control. It is about creating a system that allows parents to continue making important decisions without constant conflict.
FAQ
What is decision-making responsibility in Ontario?
Decision-making responsibility refers to who has the legal authority to make major decisions about a child’s life, including education, healthcare, religion, and significant extracurricular activities.
Can one parent make medical decisions alone?
Yes. A parenting plan can give one parent sole authority over medical decisions, or parents may divide decision making authority so that one parent handles healthcare decisions while the other manages education.
Does sole decision making mean the other parent loses parental rights?
No. Sole decision making simply means one parent has final authority over certain decisions. The other parent may still have significant parenting time and remain actively involved in the child’s life.
What happens if parents with joint decision making cannot agree?
Parenting plans often include dispute resolution steps such as mediation. Some plans also include tie-breaking authority so decisions can still be made if agreement cannot be reached.
Supportive Next Step
If you are creating or revising a parenting plan and trying to determine how decision-making in a parenting plan should be structured, mediation can help you develop a framework that reduces conflict and supports long-term stability for your children.
To learn more about mediation services or to schedule a consultation, contact Alliston Resolutions and explore how a structured, systems-aware approach can help families move forward more peacefully.
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