Think You Have to Lawyer Up? Read This First

Michelle Rakowski
Oct 21
3 min read

Office dispute with a woman arguing and a man holding his head, distressed. Another man sits at a desk in the background, looking stern.

The moment you tell someone you’re getting a divorce, what’s the first thing they say?

“You better lawyer up.”

It sounds proactive. Smart. Like the only responsible move. But here’s the truth: “lawyering up” too quickly can create more harm than good - especially if you’re not clear on what you really need.

Before you hire anyone, you need to ask a different question: What kind of divorce do I want to have?

What Does It Really Mean to Lawyer Up?

In theory, it just means hiring legal support. But in reality, “lawyering up” carries an emotional tone, one of defensiveness, battle-readiness, and distrust. When people lawyer up fast, it often looks like:

Reacting out of fear
Retaining the most aggressive attorney they can find
Trying to “win” before understanding what’s really at stake

This approach almost guarantees a high-conflict process. And it often puts you on a legal track that quickly becomes a one-way train you can't get off of.

The Risks of Lawyering Up Too Soon

If you don’t take time to reflect and understand your options first, lawyering up can:

Escalate conflict that didn’t need to escalate
Make your spouse defensive or retaliatory
Shut down the possibility of peaceful negotiation
Drain your finances on unnecessary legal battles

Worse yet, you may end up locked into a process you never wanted, simply because you didn’t know you had choices.

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When Legal Support Is the Right Move

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about going it alone. There are absolutely situations where you need a lawyer, especially if you:

Feel unsafe
Are dealing with manipulation or abuse
Have complex financial assets
Know your spouse has already hired a lawyer

But even in those cases, the kind of legal support you choose matters. You don’t need the loudest voice in the courtroom. You need the smartest, most experienced voice in the room. You also need someone who knows what it means to partner with their clients.

What to Do Before You Lawyer Up

Here’s how to make sure you stay in control from the beginning:

Clarify your goals. Do you want peace or punishment? Cooperation or combat?
Learn your options. Mediation, collaborative divorce, and coaching-based legal services may all be available.
Get educated before you commit. Talk to more than one professional. Ask questions. Read. Reflect.
Don’t confuse urgency with wisdom. You can act quickly and thoughtfully. Taking one extra day to understand the landscape can save you years of conflict.